On the Balance Beam

I feel like I'm running on a balance beam and trying to not fall off.  Things have really been changing around here and I'm just trying to keep up...hence only 2 posts in 1 month!

I don't know if it's because we waited so long for Will to come or because we saw a lot of our friends have their babies...but when Will came home, we weren't surprised by much.  We expected the tiredness, the feedings, the massive number of diapers.  What is throwing me off now is this balancing act.  If I ever thought there weren't enough hours in the day, I really feel it now.

I'm trying to find my new balance.  I've added only one more role, but it's really changed all the others.  I'm a woman, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a wife, and a mother.  I have a career and a family.  But are there enough hours in the day for all these roles?  Do I end up shortchanging one role for the sake of another?  Or is it possible for me to rock out all these roles? 

This past week was my first full week back at work and Will's first week at daycare.  This was the week that surprised me.  Not when we brought Will home for the first time, but this past week.  I'm so busy, my to-do list is so long, and I'm so tired.  I get up for Will's 6am feeding and then start getting ready for work.  I'm the one dropping Will off, so I have to get him all situated for the day and all packed up.  I have his diaper bag, which I need to make sure I have his bottles, his milk, an extra change of clothes, his binkie, etc.  I pump right before I leave, so I need to clean my pump and pack it all up.  I get my work bag together, with lunch and bottled water.  And if I'm really on the ball that morning, I'll have time to microwave my breakfast to eat in the car.  I drop him off around 8am and then head into work.  I'm at work for 9 hours and then make the commute back home.  Tim picks up our lil man and I usually get home in time to feed him again at 6:45pm.  Tim is a godsend and helps out SO MUCH!  He has been making dinner and we usually eat around 7:30pm, after I'm done feeding Will.  Then it's close to 8pm and Will is getting restless because its about his bedtime.  But I feel like I haven't seen him much for the day yet, so I try to calm him and play with him but soon its time for his last feeding and then bedtime.  I pump again after his last feeding, otherwise I won't be able to make it the 4-5 hours that I'm hoping he'll sleep.  So now its after 10pm and I'm exhausted.  Where do I fit in anything else?

So I apologize to those who feel like I'm not calling them enough, or hanging out with them enough, or blogging/facebooking enough.  Right now I'm barely finding time to get groceries, gas up my car, shave my legs, or cook dinner.  I'm just trying to find my balance before I fall off this beam. 

Mother's Day

This was my first Mother's Day.  All five generations of my family together.  Little Will makes generation #5.  To think just one year ago I didn't know if this would ever happen.  Ever.  A year ago, I had just started the IVF process, I was starting the birth control cycle and my shipment of IVF meds had arrived and filled my table.  A year ago I knew our chances, I knew the horrible stories of failed IVF cycles, I knew of ectopic pregnancies, I knew of poor egg quality and low sperm counts, I knew of insurance max limits, and I knew of researching adoption or embracing living as a couple.  I knew our chances. 

So Mother's Day will always hold a special place in my heart.  Because I know not everyone celebrates Mother's Day as a mother.  Not because they didn't want to, but because they never got their chance to.  So when I celebrate the day, I don't take a single breath of it for granted.  Maybe that's different than how someone else may see this holiday, or maybe it's the same.  I'm sure there are a lot of very good mothers out there who never had to worry about their chances, who never had the thought "I may never have my own child.  Mother's Day will always be painful for me.  I'm not going to get out from under the covers that day."  I would imagine that they go through Mothers Day a little different than those who have been in that dark place.  You never know what you have until it's gone or when you never even had the chance. 

It's taken me awhile to get this out into the blogosphere....out of my head.  I know it has the chance to upset some mothers out there.  Upsetting others is not my intent, helping make others aware is.  There are great mothers out there who didn't have to examine their chances or face tough realities.  They understand that being a mother on Mother's Day isn't something to take for granted.  They love on their babies with this thought in the back of their mind everyday.  My intent is that everyone understands the chance that they have been given and to not take a single day for granted, whether its Mother's Day or not.

I'm 2 Months Old!

Hi!  My name is Will and I'm 2 months old!  I've been hanging out with my parents for the last two months and have finally been able to get out of the house and see lots of things.  Before my two month mark, the doctor said I had to stay inside.  I know this because I was only out to go to the doctor!  At my last appointment, a few weeks ago, I weighed 12lbs 12 oz so by now I probably weigh around 14 lbs.  I'll find out this week for my 2 month checkup and vaccinations (whatever those are).  All I know is that mama wouldn't take me to this next appointment on her own, for some reason she said daddy HAD to come to.  So we'll see.

These past two months have been a lot of fun.  I've learned a lot of new things.  I have a mama who loves me tons because she is always with me.  We eat together all the time, which is usually every 1.5 hours during the day.  At night I like to mix it up.  We eat around 9:30pm and then sleep for 3-4 hours, but after that we get up to eat every 2 hours.  I think its fun but usually around 6am, mom is tired of all the fun and lets dad get up with me to feed me a bottle.  It's our manly time.  But like I said I like to mix things up.  For example, last night we didn't have a long nap to start off the night, instead we were up every 2 hours or less.  But the night before, we did two stretches of sleeping for 4 hours!  This all adds up to me growing nice and strong.  See...

I can sit up much better and hold my head up lots.  I like to play in a lot of different places, in my swing and bouncer and playmat.

I play on my jungle mat for about 30 mins a couple times a day.  I've just recently noticed that my toys rattle because "I'm" the one who is hitting them.  I got so excited one time that I rock and rolled onto my side.  It was fun!  I also got a new toy just yesterday.  My dad's work held a baby shower for me.  It was supposed to happen the Friday before I was due but since I came early they rescheduled it.  I was able to go and I met a lot of cool people.  Here's my new jumperoo...

My toes don't quite touch the ground yet though.

I like all my toys and hope to get more as soon as I'm able to play with them.  Mama says I'm the kind of kid that needs to be constantly stimulated.  Until then I've got my playmat, swing, bouncer, new jumperoo, and of course my friend the ceiling fan.

I'm smiling lots these days.  Life is good!  Dad and Mama say I'm a lil stinker though.  I think its because I smile at just the right times.  Not when the camera is pointed at me of course.  I've also started cooing and doing a few screeching.  Hopefully I'll learn how to giggle soon...that will be sooooo cool.

On the diaper front, I've learned some cool tricks these past two months.  At first I would make dirty diapers all day long, then I discovered diaper rash is not so much fun.  A few weeks ago I learned how to make just one dirty diaper a day and that helped.  Then just this past week, I've learned how to do blowouts!  I love it and smile tons after pooping, but then mama or dad scoop me up and run me to the changing table.  They have to change my diaper and my clothes!  So far I'm up to 5 blowouts and looking forward to many more.

Since I've hit the 8 week mark, I'm now allowed to go into public.  I had already gone to Auntie Amanda's house to visit Cousin Jackson.  I went to my friend Kinsley's house, my mama worked with her mama before.  But that wasn't considered public.  Since then I've gone to Church, Target, Kohl's (which I slept through so maybe that doesn't count), Dad's work, Mama's work, and even had lunch at Jason's Deli.  I love the stroller thing that I get wheeled around in! But it HAS to keep moving.  I can't wait to see where we go next! 

I'm still getting to do a lot of things for the first time.  Last weekend we celebrated Easter!  That looks like it'll be even more fun next year....everyone else ate my candy this year.  I got a special Easter outfit and hunted for eggs and everything!

Look what my mama made me do!

Dad helped me look for eggs...and even Bo too.

I got lots of goodies!  And mama even found Easter eggs that look like baseballs!

Aren't I cute?

Next up I'm looking forward to spending my first Mother's Day with my mama and grandma's.  I can't wait to turn 3 months old!

Happy Easter

Better late than never!

Our first Easter together as a family.

It was a day full of starting traditions, lots of fun, and even a couple tears.  I did what all moms do and stayed up late stuffing eggs full of jelly beans, and hiding them around the house.  I had already gotten Will's Easter basket earlier that week and I'm sure Tim was wondering what the packages of eggs and candy were for.  So after one of our middle-of-the-night feedings, I stayed up and played Easter bunny.  Even though I was so tired, I couldn't help but smile as I placed the eggs around the house. 

In the morning, Tim got up and saw all the eggs around and I said it was time to go hunting.  He was such a trooper!  I grabbed the camera and he grabbed Will.

Will got lots of goodies....but we got the best goodie of them all!

We also made our first trek back to church since Will's been born.  He was just about 2 months old and according to Doctor's orders was able to go into public.  He did great in the nursery and it was good to be back.  After church we enjoyed an Easter lunch since Tim had to fly to Canada before dinner.  It was tough to see him go on the holiday but he would be back in just a couple days. All in all, a good holiday.

Go Cubs Go!

The Cubs are tied for first place in their division!!!  Now granted, they're tied for first with about four other teams, but I didn't expect them to even do this well.  I think it has a lot to do with Starlin Castro and maybe some lucky gifts from Grandma Janet...

More pics to come as Will wears all these goodies!

Attack of the Visiting Sarah's

Yay!  My sister Sarah and my sister-in-law Sarah both visited last week!

Sarah D, my sister-in-law, was the first to visit.  She came in Monday night.  What is great about our house is that we are really close the main airport that most of our family uses, and that we have a guest room for them to stay in.  We LOVE having visitors!  And many come over early and stay a night or two before having to catch their flight out.  This was the first time Sarah met Will!

He thought she was pretty entertaining.  They hung out for awhile and played on his playmat.  They were in love with each other.

Then on Wednesday, Sarah R, my sister, flew into town.  She was my lifesaver and here to help me while Tim was out on conference in Philly.  I don't know if I could have made it without her.  She would watch Will while I caught up on sleep, depending on how Will did the night before.  She would help with diapers!  And play with him so I could get a shower in. 

Sarah was infatuated with Will.

We went and saw my work buddies on Thursday.  Sarah and I couldn't help laughing at my coworkers.  I swear they set a record on ooh's and aah's when we walked in.  Will was a huge hit!  Then that night we attended my small group.  It was great to show Sarah what we do since I've talked about them for years.  This was all enough to wear Will out!

He loved snuggling with Sarah.



He hated to see his Aunt Sarah go

I hated to see Sarah go!  But we sure love her!

Awesome

Our New Normal

Last night was our first date out without our little man.  It was a big, small night out :)  Just dinner and a movie, a night out that we've had a million times.  But this time it was so different, yet the same.  Our new normal.  It was just the two of us.  We went to go see Limitless, which I had been wanting to see since I saw a preview.  Then we went a got some burgers at Red Robin...delish.  Just a normal night out but it felt completely different.  Our little guy was in great hands with our sitter....so we weren't worried.  Things were normal, just different.  Different driving to the theatre with us both in the front seats and no coos coming from a car seat in the back.  Different that we both watched the movie with our cellphones in our hands, just in case we wouldn't hear them vibrate.  Different that two hours rolled around and my little man was being fed by our sitter.  Different that I got to eat a hot dinner without leaving it to calm a fussy baby, or maybe a baby that just likes being held by his momma.  A totally normal date, just different. 

It was a great date, a date we've had a million times, a date that we needed.  We needed to take that scary nervous step away from Will.  We can't stay cooped up in a house for days, weeks, months on end without leaving him just because we're nervous.  Just like we couldn't avoid our road trip to Springfield because of nerves.  He's going to experience these things sooner or later.  We're going to experience these things sooner or later.  We are stepping out of our box, out of our comfort zone, and into our new normal.

One Month Old

I can't believe my little man is already one month old!  Where did the time go?  I knew that everyone always said that time flies but I thought they were referring to the usual speed that time flies.  Nope.  Time flies at a whole new level of speed with a newborn.

He's already becoming my little man and not my little baby.  He can hold his head up on his own for quite awhile.  He's even done little pushups while on his stomach to get up and look around.  He has outgrown some of his clothes already (stupid Gerber sizing).  He now likes to have his floor time, either being laid down on a blanket or on his playmat.  He even likes to lay on his side too, which makes Tim and I nervous.  He is getting more facial expressions by the day.  Our favorite are his quirky smiles.  He gets just one side of his mouth smiling and you would think he's up to something.  Then he has the famous open mouthed, toothless grin that's adorable.  He's also gotten to be such a little talker.  He makes little noises all day long.  We always joke about what animal he sounds like today.  Sometimes its a horse, or a goat, or a chipmunk.  He's just getting so big!
 



Little Man Just 4 Weeks Later



Brand New Baby

We're just so lucky...

...and proud.

Meeting Cousin Jackson

This weekend we took our first family excursion!  Off to Springfield to see Auntie Amanda and Uncle Elijah and Will's Cousin Jackson who was born the night before Will.

Our drive went really well!  We only needed to pull over once to change a diaper and feed Will.  He was so good in the car, slept the majority of the way. 

It was cute to see the cousins together.  And boys will be boys...

Holding hands

Jackson "beating up" Will

Will teasing Jackson back

Mommyisms from the New Mommy

Ok, ok, so I know my last post said videos coming "tomorrow."  Well......

Mommyism #1 - your sense of time (or what you can accomplish in a period of time) gets skewed.  Today is my "tomorrow." Most days, by the time I get Will up and fed and changed and dressed.  Then I get myself "with it" then he needs fed and changed again, then I realize I need to eat breakfast but its already 1pm.  So I'm calling all Mommy's out there....how do you get it all done in the timeframe you want?   Like today, I'm trying to be realistic - so my only goals are to do 1 load of laundry and give Baby Boy a bath....I think I'll be able to get those done today :)

Mommyism #2 - Piggybacking on #1, I now realize the beauty of staying in your pj's all day.  More comfy, gives you a couple more minutes in your day since you're not changing clothes, they will be spit up on shortly anyways.

Mommyism #3 - Bath time.  Those Johnson&Johnson commercials are liars!  For right now anyways :)  I've heard that when your little one is fussy and nothing seems to work, give him a bath.  All littles love baths.  Nope, not true, not yet anyways.  Here is the start of Will's first bath...

Poor guy is not a fan of being naked, and then you add in water and new parents, and he did not enjoy his first bath!

Mommyism #4 - Gotta document all the "firsts" you can!

1st time in bouncer (that's a yawn not a scream.  he loves his bouncer)

1st Snow ( you can see the 2-3 inches on the ledge of the deck through the window)

1st St Patricks Day (we went through 3 green onesies)

Mommyism #5 - You will get your body back, some parts slower than others though.  The swelling in your feet doesn't disappear as soon as you would think!  Finally after two weeks I have my own feet and boney ankles back!  I sure missed those!  But I've already lost over half of my pregnancy weight in just 2 1/2 weeks!  Yay!  Breastfeeding must be an amazing workout!

Well, my little man is calling my name....gotta go.

Meet William!

He is such a cutie and we are so infatuated with him that we haven't had much time to do anything else but sit and stare at him!  So I'm sure I have lots of family reading this and saying "Finally, an update!"

Will already has impecable timing.  My sister-in-law was due with her first little one a week and half ahead of me.  But her little guy decided to be a little late and we were excited to welcome him on February 27th.  Once we finally got the last update of the evening Tim and I decided to call it quits and head for bed.  Crawl into bed and my phone dings.  Text message.  The weather channel sent me an alert and we are now in a tornado warning.  After Tim and I head back up from the basement, I notice a little something.  I tell Tim that "I think my water broke".  It wasn't like in the movies, no huge gush.  After Tim convinced me that it couldn't be anything else, we decided to go to the hospital.  At least Will waited till after the tornadoes had passed.  So we quickly packed our hospital bags and hopped in the car. 

The nurses and hospital doc checked me out and my water definitely broke.  We were being admitted.  We started calling all the family to let them know even though it was after midnight.  Tim's family had similar responses....."are you serious?"  It was too funny that his sister had just had her baby and now we were being admitted to have ours.  I called my mom and told her. I could tell that she hopped out of bed and was working quickly to get out of Nebraska and to me in Missouri.  I figured I would tell the rest of the family the next day and not at 2am. 

My contractions weren't very regular so they started me on pitocin.  My mom made it to the hospital that morning and Tims mom was able to make it there in time as well.  We spent most of the day in labor.  I wasn't feeling contractions for quite awhile which surprised the doctor.  So he upped the pitocin.  20 hours of labor later I finally got to meet Baby Boy.  It was unbelievable.  They placed him on my chest and I was in love.  You could tell Tim had fallen hard for him too.  8:07pm and 8 pounds 10 ounces and 21.5 inches long.  He has long legs and long toes and the cutest hairline ever.

Just two days later we were on our way home.

Here is his cute outfit.  His little sweater wasn't as little as we thought.  You can't see his personalized onesie underneath but we got some pictures of him in it later.

Tim and I got him all set up in his carseat.  His carseat was not his best friend...

And hence his first encounter with his binkie...

And we were on our way home.  Our little man came home to a lot of love...

 He's had a lot of firsts these past two weeks.  Tomorrow I'll be learning how to upload videos and we'll show you a lot of the firsts, including his first photo shoot.  But for now...I'll leave you with a little present.