Friday, May 14, 2010

Busy Busy

This has been a busy, busy week.  Not to mention a lot going on with work this week, and a friend's wedding Friday night, and heading out to Columbia Saturday to come back Sunday to go straight into work for a few hours.  In addition to all that I've been down to the Doctor twice.

First time was on Tuesday morning.  It was my trial embryo transfer.  The Doc was going through the motions with all his fun equipment and making sure which catheter worked the best, best positioning, etc.  It was good times.  (PS- can't wait til someone invents a sarcasm font.)  Then bloodwork.  I thought I felt a harder prick of the needle than normal but just chalked it up to still not liking needles.  Nope.  Sure enough, I've got a good bruise on my arm now.  The bright spot was Tim took me out for lunch afterwards.  Racanelli's pizza is yummy.  I told him to take me anywhere we don't have out in St. Charles county.  So far so good.  Last week was Pickle's deli.  I had a great sandwich.

Yesterday was our 5 hour long IVF orientation.  Most of the stuff was review but some was new.  The jury is still out on whether we left feeling hopeful or more scared.  The strange thing is that Tim, Mr. Worst Case Scenario, was the hopeful one.  Granted he had some good points.  We were probably the only ones in there in our age group (under 35).  Dr. Odem has been straight up with us in the past and hasn't said anything to make us feel like IVF will be a waste of our time.  The statistics they gave count in everyone trying IVF, while we have unexplained infertility but all our parts are still working, other people have far more serious issues.  They may never get pregnant and their stats were factored in as well.

On the other hand, the info I didn't know already just made me more nervous.  It made me realize that having a baby is a miracle.  And exactly that, you need a miracle for this to happen.  Statistics from their office show IVF in our age group creates pregnancy 50% of the time and that you carry that baby to delivery is 44%.  That makes me want to hyperventilate.  We need a miracle.

They covered the process from start to finish and this is what we need.  1) I need to react well to the stimulating meds.  Underreacting would lead to cancelling the procedure, Overreacting could lead to some very serious side effects and cancelling the procedure.  2) When they remove my follicles, the eggs need to be mature.  3) Mature eggs then need to be fertilized.  Even though they can inject a sperm inside, doesn't mean it will take.  4) Fertilize eggs need to grow properly.  2 to 4 to 8 cells.  5) Fertilized eggs need to be transferred back and need to stick.  6) Then a whole new set of issues to overcome to not miscarry.  I keep telling myself that people do this every day.  All of my worries and fear of the "what if's" is not going to stop me from pushing on and trying.  People do this every day.  My goal is to stay positive and think of all the good what if's. 

After our brain-numbing orientation, Tim took me out for Indian food.  It was good - spicy- but good.  Today we get our shipment of meds.  All but the HCG shot, that comes from a different pharmacy.  I'll try to learn how to post pics because this pile of drugs is going to be massive!

On my goal of being positive, Tim helped a lot last night.  He got a glimpse into the thoughts of girls and played the "what if" game with me.  We came up with name ideas for a boy, for a girl.  Decorated the nursery in our minds for a boy or a stuck on what to do with twins if we get one of each.  Came up with best room to place the rocking chair, etc.    It was fun for me, hopefully Tim didn't think I was too crazy thinking about that stuff already.  In addition to the what if game, I'm going to post quotes that I find are inspirational to me.  Please feel free to post any that you find and love too.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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