Sunday, May 30, 2010

Hope

Hope is a crazy thing.  Usually good, it can make you smile.  Helps you see things half full more often than half empty.  It causes your heart to flutter and your dreams to be a little bit sunnier.  But in the IF community, Hope is dirty word.  We've been burned by her so many times, that she's probably been called every name in the book by now.  She has non-stop, month after month, taken couples hearts and shred them into tiny bits.  She takes that bright dream you've been having and turns it into a real nightmare.  At 2 1/2 years into our IF journey, I'm very cautious about Miss Hope.  I have kicked her to the curb and left her out there for most of the winter.

But now I'm changing my game plan and just praying that Miss Hope doesn't kick my ass for doing so.  Last week I started Lupron injections, next Friday I start my stim injections, and today Aunt Flo has shown up.  We are well into this last cycle....our IVF cycle.  Tim and I are both medically fine, and therefore are labeled "Unexplained Infertility".  So we're thinking our chances should be pretty good with this cycle.  Since no doctor has been able to find out what is causing our infertility, this should work....right?  So I've planned to live my life (or at least the next 30 days) to the fullest and let Hope back in.  I'm "hope"ing this will help me lower my stress since the Doc said no to all exercises that get your heartrate over 140 (which is everything).  Having Hope should keep the stress of everything down.  I'm going to think of the glass as half full, see things a little brighter, and plan for the positive outcome.  My strategy (because I know that Miss Hope is still an evil witch) is that this is going to hurt so very badly if IVF doesn't work.  It's going to rip my heart out whether I've braced myself for it or not.  So I'm going to go all for it, and give myself 100% to hope.

Plan B - in case anyone was wondering.  When Aunt Flo shows up next month, would entail an impromptu flight out to Vegas.  :)  And I would be giving 100% of myself out there too!  But that's not going to happen.....because Hope told me so.

1 comment:

Adventures in Baby Waiting said...

I have hope for you! So excited for you guys. It's an incredible experience that brought my hubby and I closer. I am hoping you guys have a successful cycle! Looking forward to reading all about it.