Friday, July 2, 2010

Learning to Embrace the Nerves

Welcome Everybody!

Thanks for coming over and visiting my blog.
I hope you kick up your feet and stay awhile.

For everyone visiting from The Infertility Overachievers, here's a little bit about our journey.  My husband and I are both 29 years old and have been "diagnosed" with unexplained unfertility.  I still think its funny that you can be "diagnosed" with unexplained infertility!  To me, that just means you need more testing....but what's left to test!?!  We've gone through multiple rounds of IUI's with no success and are nearing the results of our first IVF attempt.  Today is our first beta test!

I'm really thankful that I've been super busy with my new job during our two week wait, but today is finally the day!  The day that one little blood test has the possibility to take our life in an entirely different path.  So between last night and this morning the nervousness has been given enough time to settle in.  And it sucks!  All the "what ifs" start to creep in your head.  One moment you can imagine pure joy, and then the next you just want to hide under the covers and never come out. 

After driving myself nuts for hours, I finally realized that I need to learn to embrace these nerves.  All this nervousness won't go away with a simple beta test.  I mean, what if it's negative...  then IVF didn't work.  Then I'll have to worry about our next step.  Do we do another round of IVF?  If so, what will that look like, we maxed out our infertility insurance with this last cycle.  When would we do another round?  Do we take a break first?  Then what if the second IVF doesn't work?  How far will we go until we throw in the towel?  Would we be ok just being the cool Aunt & Uncle?  See, a neverending string of nerves.

But then, what if it's positive....  Will it still be positive for our next beta?  Will we get to the ultrasound only to find out it's a chemical pregnancy?  What about the risk of miscarriage?  What can I eat or not eat?  Drink or not drink?  Will the baby be born healthy?  What about SIDS?  Do immunizations really have a connection to Autism?  What about when they start driving?  See, a neverending string of nerves!!

No matter what happens today, I'm going to try to take it all in.  I going to learn how to embrace all this nervousness, because this ball of nerves is our life.  This is us, take it or leave it.  This test isn't going to make things all perfect, whatever that would mean.  It will lead to a whole new set of nerves.  Hopefully, I'll just be excited about taking on that new set of nerves.


Mrs. S said...

Good luck with your betas today!

Michelle said...

Thinking about you and praying for happy news today!

Sarah said...

You know we are all here for you and support you. We love you both!

Kara said...

We can't wait to hear the's hoping for some answered prayers! Love you guys! :-)

The Wolf's said...

Thanks for all the comments, thoughts, texts, and emails! We love all your thoughts, prayers, and support. Thankfully, today has been a great day.

Lora said...

Visiting from Infertility Overachievers. Its true, being a parent is a never ending string of nerves, but I know its a journey you are eager to begin anyways! Congrats on your BFP!!!!